Continue reading »]]> A Happy Birthday to Paul T. Daly today. One of my many college suite-mates. Paul hails from the great state of Texas and has a voice that I’d run my mother over for. Give this a listen for some of his work on Texas High School football.

My favorite ever Paul Daly line from our radio days was: “That would been a great catch….

had he caught it!”

Yep–that would’ve helped!

So since it’s graduation week and everything here’s a quick story. Paul was busy covering the ECAC Baseball Tournament that Fordham was in so he got back to campus just as graduation exercises were completing. He was a year behind me in school, so he wasn’t graduating.

Now I wasn’t the best student as an undergrad. And when Paul departed for the tournament, I hadn’t gotten my final grades. And let’s just say Medieval Literature was not my best subject and I needed a C- in order to graduate.

And that indeed was going to be a close call.

I made the grade but in the age before cell phones, Paul had no clue whether I was going to walk or not.

So here is Paul racing to Edward’s Parade on that day and he gets there in the middle of names being read. They just started the “H’s” as the names are read alphabetically. He’s waiting for “Hayes” to be read.

When they got to “Iagone” he said his spirits really dropped.

“Oh no! He didn’t make it. Man!” He sat there depressed for me. He wondered if my parents even came or if I were even out there or if I just went the hell home.

They read the last name and it occurred to Paul that they got from H to Z rather quickly.

Fr. Pascoe, our dean, then took the microphone and said:

“And now, Fr. President, I call the names of the candidates for the Bachelor of ARTS degree in Fordham College!”

And the crowd went ballistic. Paul thought for a moment. He asked the person next to him, “Whose names was he just reading before?” Turns out he showed up while the Bachelor of Science degrees were being read.

He thought, “Wait! Mike’s an English major. English…Arts. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! WOO-HOO!”

Of course he then thought, if they don’t call his name this time…

But they did. A second piece of irony. But first, a second story.

So my freshman year, I was placed in second year spanish. Now that would have been fine if I remembered anything from my high school spanish class. I was lost and I wanted to add/drop into first year spanish. I had to go to the dean to do this. And let’s just say that the modern language dean who I will be merciful to and not name, was having a bit of a bad day.

“What do you want to change and why?” he growled at me.

I told him. He looked in his book.

“There are no openings in first level spanish.”

I said to him, “OK so what do I do now?”

Now I’d like to take a second here to tell educators that your response to this question should be “Just take another class and don’t worry about it and take it next semester.”

That was not the response I got.

“Well..we’d LIKE you to finish your language requirement by the end of your sophomore year (which means 4 semesters of language culminating in taking a literature class in the language). So if that’s the case, then you need to start with another language.”

So I say, “OK, fine, give me Italian.”

“No sir. No openings in Italian first level either.”

“OK, give me French.”

You guessed it…no openings in French first level either.

So me being me, I got angry. And I believe I said something along the lines of “Can you please just tell me what freakin class I CAN take?”

And incredulously the dean said, “Well you have a choice!”

I said in the deepest depressing voice ever, “Oh goody, that’s a thrill. You can’t imagine my joy. I am nearing orgasm at that news.”

Yeah that probably didn’t endear me to him.

My choices you ask: Russian or German.

Now I’m nothing if not logical…but if I had half a brain I would have just walked out of the office and told him off and went to my academic dean. But I’m a dumb freshman, the first in my family to go to college.

So I think deeply. “Well, Russian is a different alphabet. German is kinda like English (oh no it’s not!) so I’ll take German.”

“Splendid.” the dean said. And off I went with my new class.

Which I was now in two weeks late.

And I never caught up. I got a great big F.

There goes the GPA. Law School…forget it.

My professor and I tried everything. I just couldn’t do it. I got a tutor (who was kinda hot, I might add). I studied so much German my OTHER grades started to suffer. And then I realized that this just wasn’t going to happen. I passed 2 tests of 4. If I remember right I got a 37 on the first exam. A 58 on the second. A 78 on the third and a 62 on the fourth. That’s a 59 average. Failing by one point.

I got a 55 on the final exam. 6 more points and she would’ve passed me with a D.

I got all B’s in my other courses and a giant F in German.

And then I took four semesters of spanish starting with the next semester and finished the language requirement a semester late–which nobody ever said “BOO” about. And the interesting thing was that I was making the same mistakes in spanish, but the difference was that, say I misspelled a word throughout the exam….my spanish professors would take only one point off.

My German professor would take 9 off for every time I misspelled.

Sigh.

OK, so back to graduation…

Who read my name at graduation….?

You guessed it. The one professor to ever give me a failing grade.

I ran into her just after I graduated. I was still hurt because I begged her for a D but she wouldn’t budge. She had the audacity to ask me to carry some boxes up some stairs for her and another dean.

If the other dean wasn’t about to cry, if I said no–I think I might have left her standing there with the boxes.

But we are a religion of forgiveness, after all.

So up the boxes went. We had a cordial conversation and I told her I was graduating and had a job lined up at WFAN.

She seemed relieved. I could almost read it in her face.

“Well, I’m glad you’re getting out of here because you were a train wreck in my class.”

So basically I was a B student in most classes and a A student in theology and philosophy and the occasional writing class. But when it came to German or any language that sounded like German….

Well…not so much.

So when she read “Michael F. Hayes, Jr, English” I cringed and offered a soft smile her way.

Then I saw Paul.

He was jumping a hooting and howling for me. From complete disappointment to complete elation… for me.

I grabbed my diploma and hugged Fr. O’Hare. Fr. Pascoe our dean, looked at me and said, “Thanks for being such a big part of Campus Ministry (I served as an acolyte).”

Even then…there was God nudging me towards ministry and away from radio.

A quick look at my grades tells the tale:

English Classes: 2.8
Theology and Philosophy Classes: 3.2
Foreign Language: 2.136 (which aint bad considering I got an F in one of the five classes).

Is it any wonder I graduated with an M.A. in Religious Ed, Summa Cum Laude (3.83) nearly 13 years later?

God sometimes has to howl at me.

Even louder than Paul did on graduation day.

Happy Birthday, Tex.

Continue reading »]]> Deacon Greg pointed me to this today. The interesting thing is that Reagan was divorced and it seems as if he was looking to make sure that his son, Mike, didn’t make the same mistakes in marriage that he did.

An excerpt from Letters of Note:

There is an old law of physics that you can only get out of a thing as much as you put in it. The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out. Sure, there will be moments when you will see someone or think back to an earlier time and you will be challenged to see if you can still make the grade, but let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life. Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating, and it doesn’t take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music. If you truly love a girl, you shouldn’t ever want her to feel, when she sees you greet a secretary or a girl you both know, that humiliation of wondering if she was someone who caused you to be late coming home, nor should you want any other woman to be able to meet your wife and know she was smiling behind her eyes as she looked at her, the woman you love, remembering this was the woman you rejected even momentarily for her favors.
Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.

I remember the wise words of Deacon Nicholas Mazzei from my childhood parish to a married couple at their wedding:

“Marriage is not a 50-50 partnership. Marriage is a 100%-100% partnership. Each partner has to give 100% of themselves to the other always. If one’s only giving half of who they are then they withhold the other half. And that’s no way to have a marriage.”

True enough.

Today go and find your husband or wife if you are married and let them know that they are loved. And pray for those who are lonely or in troubled marriages.

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20 years ago today, I graduated from Fordham University with a B.A. in English. Pictured above from left to right is ME! (with hair), Joonmo Ku, Joe Patane (of Real World Fame) and Steve Fahy four of my close friends from my class.

Two things to reflect on today: the first is that graduation day is weird. Often one gets separated from their closest friends—as I did during our graduation exercises–where John Brandemas, a former NYU President spoke for 27 minutes in the rain on a topic that interested nobody: Politics. The day itself was a disaster. It rained and our graduation was outdoors. We had a lovely baccalaureate mass and then headed out into the midst—an Irish day—as I believe our board of trustees President noted from the podium. We were cold, wet and frankly, bored. We didn’t want to go inside and get diplomas as they had scheduled. We wanted to walk up those grand Keating Hall stairs to get our diploma.

One problem, staff had already sent parents into the various alternate sites and my parents missed my name being called and the reception of my diploma. (In five days I’ll recall my graduate school graduation–which was much nicer).

Perhaps it was an omen? The next 5-10 years of my life were tumultuous in radio. Good and bad but not as passionate as I am today about life. I wasn’t a great student as an undergrad, spending far too much time at the radio station and a good deal of time in Campus Ministry as well. When did I study? The answer is rarely. I didn’t get to know many professors but, ironically the President of the University, Joe O’Hare, S.J. was a great friend to me and still is.

I had doubts about my future and about going into radio and was too scared to name that and to think more deeply about that.

Boy, what a difference 20 years makes.

Which brings me to my second reflection:

Graduation days should allow us to define what we were most passionate about during the past few years and then to think about how to fuel that passion. Had I done that, I might have become a campus minister right then somewhere–or at least headed to graduate school because even as an undergrad that’s where my deepest passions would have been found.

But most often, graduation looks forward, forgetting about the past and looking to an all-too uncertain future.

20 years is a long time. Some of my closest friends from that time are quite distant now. Some of those whom I didn’t know well then, are closer friends now. And some are no longer with us. Dave Connors, Sue Costello and Tom Cullen come to mind quickly this day. Sue didn’t even make it to graduation. Dave died at 25 after a long illness. Tom was a firefighter who died heroically in the towers on September 11th. Today I remember them all in prayer.

I’d also like to remember my campus ministers. Fr Jim Hentges a wonderful director and someone with a profound respect for liturgy. Sr. Anne Walsh, who still works at Fordham today as an academic advisor and who cared for as as if we were her own children–and in many ways we were. Fr. John Mullin, SJ –or “Padre” as we called him who ran our popular Emmaus retreat program and who gave me a ministry. He was amazingly sensitive to all kinds of people and led me into a deep discernment about who I was becoming. Sr. Jeanne Hamilton, OSU, was probably my best friend on the staff. We’d spend hours talking in her office or after masses. She once wrote me a letter asking me if I was satisfied with my accomplishments–and I still have that letter today and it reminds me to ask myself that question often. Robert Minotti was our music director and he still holds that position today amazingly. And the incomparable Ann Orsi was the administrative assistant—she was a tiny spitfire Italian woman–and she was clearly the boss. Her son, Bob Orsi is a famed professor of religion today.

And lastly, Dr. Mary Erler once gave me a big fat F on an exam in Medieval English. When I went to her office to talk (or beg), she said something to me that I still hold on to.

“Mike, there’s no reason for you to get a grade like this. Some of the comments you make are some of the most intelligent ones in the class. What can we do going forward?”

I somehow managed to pass her class and to date, I still hate medieval literature. But what I love is her Fordham spirit, that cared for the whole person. She gave me confidence and inspired me and made me realize many years later that because of my own gifts I indeed, have much to offer.

So today, we pray in gratitude for ye olde alma mater, Fordham, for the Jesuits and lay teachers who make it a special place. We also pray for my friends, my classmates who made the experience one to be remembered for a lifetime.

Blessings, friends. And 20 more years at least to come!

Continue reading »]]> They say a picture is worth 1000 words and Mary Williams, a wonderful campus and youth minister in Montana who I got to know at the Frank J. Lewis Institute seems to know that better than the rest of us. Her photo blog is AMAZING! She’s newly married and so, I stole this pic of Greg, her hubby, who is obviously jumping for joy because he has the coolest wife ever (well, next to me, of course). There’s one more I love from her blog below, but you really need to check out the whole thing by clicking here.

What I really love about this besides the awesome nature shots (OK if you’re still reading my drivel—stop—go to her blog and you’ll be back to my rant in about an hour because you’ll just not be able to stop looking at these pictures.) is that she also offers some written reflections about herself and her beliefs (and Mrs. Williams you are SO photogenic–ask your husband!) and the students she ministers to.

I’m sure that not only this is reflective time for Ms. Mary but it’s also reflective for her viewers and the folks she ministers to. She’s taken time to capture them in different ways and it may very well lead to their own self-reflection. “Why does Mary think I’m wonderful?” could very well be said by a student who struggles with self-esteem or who wonders about their future. The wonders and the beauty of nature can stop any of us in our tracks and thrust us into reflection. The love Mary and Greg share is something married couples or those entering marriage might stimulate thoughts on moments like that which they recall in their own relationship–that first house or the more mundane moments that are nonetheless shared and wonderful.

Ok…if you haven’t looked yet…this one is bound to grab you. Here’s Mary’s reflection from May 1:

I’m only sharing one photo this week…not because I don’t have others to share but because this one photo made a profound impact on me.

An old, twisted, rotting tree in the middle of Two Moon Park. Defeated. Decrepit. Dead.

I’m reminded of a quote from Paul Claudel in a friend’s office…

“Jesus did not come to explain away suffering or remove it. He came to fill it with his presence.”

As I witness a friend ever so gracefully care for her dying mother…as I minister to students graduating, and in many ways, grieving the end of their college years…as I read and hear about pain and suffering in the news around the world….I am reminded…

He came to fill it with his presence.

I looked at the death of that tree and saw…the cross.

Click here to see that tree and be amazed.

Thanks, Mary –for your ministry and your creativity and of course your friendship. We’ll have to think of a creative project to share at some point. For now, know that I’ll be mentioning your work at this year’s Frank J. Lewis when I present on technology and ministry.

Continue reading »]]> After an internal investigation revealed credible abuse charges against seven members of the Legion of Christ this week, today more bad news. Fr. Thomas Williams who’s been a commentator on NBC, CBS and Sky News revealed that he fathered a child with a woman while he was still a priest.

His release from NCR and John Allen:

“A number of years ago I had a relationship with a woman and fathered her child. I am deeply sorry for this grave transgression and have tried to make amends. My superiors and I have decided it would be best for me to take a year without active public ministry to reflect on the wrong I have done and my commitments as a priest. I am truly sorry to everyone who is hurt by this revelation, and I ask for your prayers as I seek guidance on how to make up for my errors.”

Read the entire story at John Allen’s NCR Column.

Know of our prayers today for priests who find themselves unable to live their celibate vows. It indeed is a hard vow to live. Also pray for those who have abused children and obviously for those victimized by the predators. We need to continue to look at this illness and understand it’s compulsions so that we can protect children and the priesthood from people with these tendencies. More importantly, we need to pray for wisdom for the superiors and the formators of these priests that they might discern well whether those who desire to be priests can indeed be called into this life or if there are other detriments in their character that will not allow them to live the life they believe that they are called to live. May the men and women who have come to admire the charism of the Legion be able to discern well and protect those who they find in harms way and make amends for the horror that has been caused to so many by their founder, others in their community and now Fr. Williams.

Let us be grateful for priests and women religious of integrity as well today. Those who have been able to integrate their sexuality properly and form themselves for celibate lives with the grace of Holy Orders clearly imparted on them. May their lives be a beacon to other men and women considering the religious life and give hope to the church that continues to hurt from the sexual sins of those they hoped to trust.

Continue reading »]]> Growing up as a Mets fan there was nobody more dominating that Dwight (Doc) Gooden in the 80s.

In 1984, Gooden became the youngest player to appear in an All-Star Game. He struck out the side in the 5th, as AL batters: Lance Parrish, Chet Lemon, and Alvin Davis grabbed the pine. Fernando Valenzuela had already struck out the side in the fourth, as future Hall of Famers Dave Winfield, Reggie Jackson, and George Brett all fell victim to him. The two pitchers’ combined performance broke an All-Star game record, that stood for 50 years (Carl Hubbell’s five consecutive strikeouts in 1934).

He threw much of his career away to cocaine but then one last spring evening in May Doc Gooden grabbed the spotlight.

It was 16 years ago today at Yankee Stadium that Doc Gooden threw that no hitter. I covered the game for WOR Radio. The final out as you saw was a high pop up that seemed like it would never come down. Afterwards we asked Jeter what he was thinking as he hovered under the ball.

“Don’t drop it.”

Gooden was asked by my esteemed colleague, Jack Curry, then of the NY Times if this made his comeback complete. He thought so and thanked all of those folks who believed in him, especially George Steinbrenner who gave him a second chance.

He had a few good moments in his career but never regained that old late 80s form.

He ran afoul of the law again and again. Eventually he ended up on celebrity rehab.

Doc was always a nice guy in the locker room and knows he clearly is an addict, someone who has no control over his demons. People often don’t understand addiction. So today let’s pray for all those caught in that trap of addiction and for those who try to help them recover.

For news on Doc Gooden and his continued recovery—follow him on twitter @DocGooden16

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E.J. Dionne has a great column today in the Washington Post and he rightly points out that the voices of doom seem to be all around us.

First he points to the voices of doom on the left.

Recently, a group called the Freedom from Religion Foundation (FFRF) ran a full-page ad in The Washington Post cast as an “open letter to ‘liberal’ and ‘nominal’ Catholics.” Its headline commanded: “It’s Time to Quit the Catholic Church.”

The ad included the usual criticism of Catholicism, but I was most struck by this paragraph: “If you think you can change the church from within — get it to lighten up on birth control, gay rights, marriage equality, embryonic stem-cell research — you’re deluding yourself. By remaining a ‘good Catholic,’ you are doing ‘bad’ to women’s rights. You are an enabler. And it’s got to stop.”

He immediately grasps that the secular left doesn’t care much for Catholicism, or I suspect religion of any kind, preferring to lump all of us “religious-types” together.

But there’s another kind of progressive minded group. And it’s those of us who believe in much that liberal principles hold and that it reflects much of Catholic teaching.

We’re the ones who remind some narrow minded folks that it’s not OK to just be against abortion when you call yourself a pro-lifer but that the title also demanded that we support women who struggle to not just bring a child to term, but also to support that child and mother well long after the birth. Not to mention those of us who call for an end to war, violence and the death penalty. We hope to care for the poor who all-too-often are in harm’s way and for the environment which continually gets ignored too often as well.

And we do so by pointing people to the wisdom of our tradition as the reason why.

Dionne then takes up a second group of doomsayers. Those on the Catholic right.

I wonder if the bishops realize how some in their ranks have strengthened the hands of the church’s adversaries (and disheartened many of the faithful) with public statements — including that odious comparison of President Obama to Hitler by a Peoria prelate last month — that threaten to shrink the church into a narrow, conservative sect.

Do the bishops notice how often those of us who regularly defend the church turn to the work of nuns on behalf of charity and justice to prove Catholicism’s detractors wrong? ….has it occurred to the bishops that less stridency might change more hearts and minds on this very difficult question?

Indeed. While I certainly think that those who oppose abortion, for instance (I would count myself as being in that group), are doing their darnedest to try to change the law and to protect the innocent who so desperately need our assistance, what good has it really done? Our opposers are more firmly entrenched because of the vitriol of some and they liken the words coming forth from well-meaning and dedicated people (Laity and Bishops alike) to hate speech and at best, mean-spiritedness.

I don’t think that’s the message that people need or even want to hear. It doesn’t call us to change and it doesn’t produce results apparently.

What do people want? They want two things: action and results.

It seems to me that this is what the nuns were doing pretty darn well and their heroism seems to be brushed off because they didn’t spew venom often enough.

Even with a Republican President for 4 years recently and a congress that also shared those principles what were we able to do about abortion?

Nothing.

That’s not a good record. And we should be ashamed. All of us.

There’s an old adage that some in the church should carefully heed.

“It’s time to put up or shut up.”

Why, might I add, haven’t we heard much about a small organization called Malta House in the state of Connecticut –a state I might add, that just abolished the death penalty?

Just a sample of what Malta House does:

Malta House promotes the dignity of God given life by providing a nurturing home environment, support services, and independent living skills to expectant mothers of all faiths, and to their babies.

Residents of Malta House participate in educational programs covering issues of Health, Nutrition, Parenting and Child Development. During their stay at Malta House, mothers also receive guidance designed to foster a positive self image for themselves and their children. Personal finance and budgeting advice is offered to promote self sufficiency as our young families assimilate back into the community.

In addition, each resident agrees to participate in an individualized educational component that may include GED preparation or certificate programs at a local community college. Tutoring is provided to support the rigors of each class.

Michael O’Rourke, Malta House’s founder, is a saint in my opinion. He put up and then he didn’t shut up–rather he went and spoke to thousands of people leaving no stone unturned in order to gain support for his cause. It was an easy sell. And he did it all with grace and a quiet voice of peace.

So why, might I ask, has nobody bothered to say…

“Y’know what might be a good idea? Let’s have one of these Malta Houses in every diocese! Heck, let’s have two! Get O’Rourke on the phone.”

It would provide jobs, care, and it’s clearly a pro-life message that can be seen and produces results.

Do we think that the secular left couldn’t get behind that? Despite the law, we Catholics need to find ways to support the cause of life ANYWAY.

And other causes that support and claim who we are–a people of action.

Or we can just keep crying foul as a voice of doom that claims that the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket and we are powerless to change that because of those pesky little laws.

Now c’mon folks, we’re smarter than this. A lot smarter.

Perhaps, as Dionne suggests, we should heed the words of John XXIII:

“Distrustful souls see only darkness burdening the face of the earth. We prefer instead to reaffirm all our confidence in our Savior who has not abandoned the world which he redeemed.”

And as Dionne rightfully notes: “The church best answers its critics when it remembers that its mission is to preach hope, not fear.”

Amen.

Oh! And if you’d like to help to Malta House click here—their gala event is Thursday!

Continue reading »]]> This one got to me today, and thus will produce a rant below:

From Irish Central

A fundamentalist Arizona Catholic high school is refusing to play in a baseball final as their opponent’s team includes a girl on second base.

Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic school, in Phoenix, will forfeit the final rather than play against Mesa Preparatory Academy because 15-year-old Paige Sultzbach is on their team.

The fundamentalist Catholic school is run by the U.S. branch of the Society of Saint Pius X. The group represents conservative, traditional priests who broke from the Catholic Church in the 1980s.

The school’s statement read, “Our school aims to instill in our boys a profound respect for women and girls. Teaching our boys to treat ladies with deference, we choose not to place them in an athletic competition where proper boundaries can only be respected with difficulty.”

Paige’s mother Pamela responded by saying, “This is not a contact sport, it shouldn’t be an issue. It wasn’t that they were afraid they were going to hurt or injure her, it’s that they believe that a girl’s place is not on a field.”

Read more: here

So ya wanna know what I think (said in my deepest Bronx-laden accent)?

I think they’re scared.

I think these misogynist cowards might just be afraid that this girl is better than half of the WIMPS on their team. And they’re too scared to pitch to her, lest she get a hit off of one of their pitchers.

As Tom Hanks would say, “There’s no crying in baseball.”

I played a year of soccer on my high school’s junior varsity team. My school didn’t field a girl’s soccer team and so, Dawn Burns became our goalie. We were horrible. But Dawn made some saves that I know I wouldn’t have made, nor would anyone else have.

On my street the Kosmolsick girls were some of the best athletes around, especially in basketball. My dear childhood friend Donna Bechtold hit a softball one day that still hasn’t landed. And when we played fast pitch stickball, a woman named Stacy hit a tennis ball that flew out of the park so quickly that rocket ships might not have caught up to.

Girls can play too. Sometimes better than us boys.

They call the religion that the protesting school follows a “Fundamentalist Catholic” one. I would challenge that because Catholics are not fundamentalists. In fact, to be fundamentalist is exactly what it means to NOT be Catholic–and it insults centuries of our great intellectual tradition and it’s a fairly new development of thought amongst people who simply want to reform Catholicism to their own brand of what they think Catholicism should become. But I get the author’s thought.

I have another word to describe them. Goofy.

Hey Paige Sultzbach, I hope you understand that not all Catholics would bar you from the right to play a sport you love.

Or serve at the altar. Or be a lector.

You go girl…and keep swinging.

And h/t over to Deacon Greg