Shannon Shark over at the Mets Police (which is an excellent sports blog BTW) points us to this hysterical post. Eternal Earthbound Pets is a site that says that atheists will care for your pet in the event of the rapture.

But how do you know that the atheist will stay an atheist? That and other questions are answered here:

Q: How do you ensure your representatives won’t be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don’t ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with
Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.

Q: When the Rapture occurs, how long before my pet is rescued?
A: The timing is contingent on the number of subscribers we have in each state/region and travel distance. Our rescuers know that this is a time sensitive service. Pets’ lives are at stake. We will limit the number of subscribers in each zone so that any given rescuer will not be over burdened. Naturally, we must anticipate that there will be widespread chaos and confusion immediately following the Rapture that could impact travel times. Thus, we are targeting a maximum of between 18- 24 hours from realization of the Rapture, to animal rescue.

Q: What if one of my family members are left behind. Will you still take possession of my pet?
A: That depends. When the rescuer arrives, if your loved one wants to retain possesion of the pet, the pet stays in the home. We expect in these circumstances that the pet will offer the family member some comfort and stability given the trauma of what has occurred. If the family member prefers, we will adopt the pet per our contract.

There’s a whole lot more on the site and it’s possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile. They claim it’s no joke but I wonder how many clients they have?

My big question would be “Why wouldn’t my pet be raptured?”

0 thoughts on “In Case of Rapture, Feed My Dog!”
  1. And the even bigger question for those folks – just exactly why do you believe there will be a Rapture at all? (It’s certainly not in the Bible or any mainstream Creed – and is, incidentally not what Catholics believe.) At the Second Coming – the only time Jesus will come back – nobody will be left at the end of the world, not even the dogs. 🙂

  2. I can’t believe in a heaven or God that wouldn’t take dogs. Aren’t they part of the creation too? 🙂
    Love your posts, Mike–you inspire me!

    1. There’s an old story of a man who dies and goes to the next frontier. He has his dog with him and he comes to a gate. The man at the gate says “Welcome to heaven. You can enter but you can’t bring that dog.” The man is sorrowful but he can’t bear to leave his dog who is now whimpering behind. He says, “Sorry, can’t do it.” The dog jumps up and licks his face and they scamper down the lane together.

      They then find another gate and the man comes out and says “Hi, I’m St. Peter. Welcome to heaven and who is this little guy?” The great Saint reaches down and give him a belly rub as the dog gets completely submissive in his presence.

      The man is confused. “Heaven?” he asks. “I thought the last gate down the road was heaven?”

      “Oh no,” Peter replied. “That’s hell. They only let people in there who are willing to abandon their best friends.”

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