A doozy from Yahoo News:

A woman who was escorted off an Amtrak train by police this weekend after she allegedly refused to stop talking loudly on her cell-phone has the Internet cheering her fate.
Civilians and quiet-car champions are supporting her ejection for violating policy at high volume during the 16-hour journey. It doesn’t help her cause that she became belligerent when confronted about it by one of her fellow passengers.
KOMO News reports that Lakeysha Beard says she felt “disrespected” by the incident, though passengers said it was Beard who was being rude by refusing to stop yapping while sitting in one of the train’s designated quiet cars. She had not stopped talking since the train pulled out of Oakland, California, 16 hours before it reached Salem, Oregon, when a passenger confronted her about the talking. That’s when Beard got “aggressive,” KATU reports, and conductors stopped the train so that police could remove her and charge her with disorderly conduct.

Amtrak’s quiet car should be standard fare for all trains. I can remember someone talking all smoochy pie on one end of the phone while I tried not to throw up. (Full disclosure: I’m sure my wife and I are “that lovey-dovey couple” whenever we travel together. But at least we’re nauseatingly quiet about it.)

But hearing one end of the conversation is just flat out annoying. I really want to write a one person play called “Conversations on a cell phone.” Some things that I have heard, no lie:

Young woman: “Hi Cheryl. OMG, I have to tell you something (editor’s note–she really said OMG). I went to the movies with Bradley and he took me inside the bathroom and I can’t believe that we (expletive) in the bathroom. I mean he (expletived) the crap out of me. Then we went into a trashy motel and there was a mirror on the ceiling and let me tell you seeing my big (blank) up there was quite a site.”

Finally I turned around and said, “Um honey, we’re in the room too.”

Red faced she ran to the bathroom and finished her conversation and presumably had a cigarette.

A friend one time told me the story of being on a LIRR (Long Island Railroad Train) where a passenger was talking extremely loud on his cell phone. He patiently waited until he ended his conversation and then took his phone out and called his wife. The rest is priceless:

“(Shouting) HI HONEY!”


“Oh no, honey, nothing’s wrong at all. I just wanted to be a jackass on a cell phone.”

A wild cheshire cat grin then came on his face as the rest of the car exploded in applause.

Message received.

0 thoughts on “The Last Bastion of Civilized Travel”
  1. I’ve taken amtrak from Chicago to LA, from LA to Seattle, and from Seattle to Boston. They’re awesome, especially if you have a sleeper. You actually get treated like a human, unless you’re being a complete jackass to other people. (And even then you’re still treated decently, or so it’s seemed to me when there’s been an incident.)

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