I often brush sins under the rug. I dismiss them as weaknesses or things that trip me up. I may even make light of them from time to time. “Well, I guess that’s just my thing that I’m going to have problems overcoming.”
But the spiritual life is all about mindfulness. And that intentionality leads us to admit not merely the fact that we do sin and are sinners, but also, it calls us to consider the alternative.
What might we choose instead of sin? When do we find ourselves becoming sinful? Who do we commit sins with and where do we find ourselves tempted by the things that are all-too-easy for me to choose.
Quite often, I find myself sinful in quiet ways. Inner sanctums that allow me to float away from responsibility. I can fantasize about a great many things that I desire: greed, ambition, wealth–all matters of attractive things. In the dark caves of isolation, it is often easy for me to not see clearly.
It is most often through the community that I am called to notice my deeper desires. Most often, it is also there that I choose rightly. Those I have committed to, bring me to more than a sense of responsibility but rather, a sense of love. This is a commitment that cannot be broken, for to break it would be to deny others publicly.
But how often do I deny privately? How often do I fail to consider the needs of the poor because I’m too wrapped up in my own desires? How often can I not appreciate my wife and my family when they don’t simply do my bidding and require more of me than I would prefer to give? How often can I grow impatient with what I want but not be willing to work steadily for that far-off goal?
Sin grows easily in me. Privately and without much fanfare. I may do a lot of good in my life, but I also collaborate with evil from time to time. I notice these times more vividly now and take them seriously for what they are: denials that God could actually be all that I will ever need.
Our life is the sacred mystery that we are all God desires. God hopes for nothing more than for us to be united with Him forever.
May we not operate in our separateness and may we always call to mind our sins.