Hat tip to the Fordham Message Boards.
As a Graduate of Fordham, I wonder what’s going on?
Memo to Fr. McShane
« on: December 07, 2008, 06:20:23 PM »
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Good morning, Father, it’s the start of another week. Since Fordham appears to have closed its Sports Information Department, and since your AD typically takes Mondays off, I thought it would be a good idea to take up the reins and give you a report on the two “marquee” sports (your words, not mine) at the school aspiring to be the leading Catholic University in the country.
Uh, we could use a little help from you here, Father.
MENS’ BASKETBALL: The lads are 0-6, and in case you’re wondering, yes, that’s the worst start in Fordham’s 106 years of heaving orbs at the old peachbasket. And it’s not really a case of hard luck — after blowing a lead to a weak Columbia team, the guys have suffered 5 blowouts in a row. That’s when they were mostly healthy; they’ve got two kids hurting at the moment. Sagarin rates them at 339th in the country. That’s not good, since there are only 347 teams in the ratings, and the few below us aren’t exactly what you’d call peer or aspirant institutions, uh, institution-wise.
They’ve got a home game Monday night against Lafayette, 2-5 and rated 262nd by Sagarin. A win would really be important. Maybe you could show up at the game and uh, cheer or something to show you care. And an email from you to the students, urging them to attend, would be nice.
We’ll forgive you if you weren’t aware the season had started. I know, you’re used to getting one of those Media Guides when the season starts. Funny thing, there isn’t a Media Guide yet. For the marquee program. A month into the season. I know, that’s never happened before. I’d say you could find out about the players at the game, but, well — um, we don’t do programs for the games any more, apparently. Maybe you could bring the Registrar with you. If you go to the Rose Hill Gym, maybe you could go upstairs to the Athletic Department offices and see if anyone . . . uh, died, or something.
The small hard core of alumni fans is getting, well, smaller and harder. We knew that this would be a rough season, but if you could see your way to doing something to inject some excitement into it . . . like announce plans for a new arena, or a new AD . . . that would be swell. And much appreciated.
WOMEN’S BASKETBALL: We’d immensely dumbed down the schedule, and it looked like it was going to work. After beating Wofford (the smallest institution, enrollment-wise, in Division I ball — the NCAA has some rule that doesn’t let us play against crippled kids) by 2 points the other day, the team was 4-4. So what’s not to like?
Well, that Megan Mahoney kid — you know, the one coach Andruzzi was highlighting all last year? The team’s leading scorer? The kid who made the A-10 all-rookie team? She’s left, or been thrown off the squad. Apparently talking about transferring. Now that can’t be good. Also, Raina Spencer, who had the 3rd highest scoring average on the team last year? Off the roster, no explanation. That can’t be good, either.
It’s like about a year and a half ago, when girls were disappearing from the women’s team so frequently that everyone suspected a vampire at work? Uh, maybe it’s time to change the garlic and refresh the holy water, Father.
Well, that’s this week’s report, Father. I figured it was a good idea to tell you some stuff your underlings might be less than willing to headline. You might want to stick your head in the gym Monday night and get some of the story first-hand. Hope you have a good week, and hope that the rest of your campaign to transform Fordham into America’s finest Catholic University is going better than the basketball part of it. I looked to see which Catholic colleges in NCAA division I were doing better than us in our marquee sport, and the answer is — uh, all of them.
It’s kind of like the question, “Which NCAA Division I schools have gotten new basketball facilities since Fordham?” The answer to that one is also — all of them.
Enjoy your week, Father.